I must apologize to everyone who complained about Windows Vista at any point before I myself got it.  When I heard all the bitching about it, I thought, “What whiners these people are;  how could it possibly be that bad?”  You all have the hugest apology it is possible to make.  It is, indeed, that bad, and in fact, it is even worse.

I also thought that the Mac commercial (you know, the one where PC just got Vista, and it keeps asking him for permission) was an example of extreme hyperbole.  Not so much, as it turns out.  It is extremely unnerving when the screen goes dark, everything freezes, and the pop-up tells me that Windows, or “a program” (as it refers to Windows Firewall) needs my permission to continue.  There is also this line at the bottom of the pop-up that implies that I can change this annoying feature off in my Account Settings;  this is a cruel lie.  If anybody knows how to make it stop, please leave me a comment, before I trash my new laptop.

Speaking of trashing my new laptop, Vista is (almost) the least of my problems.  As I wrote to my friend B. last night, this new laptop keyboard is like some sort of sadistic punishment.  Aren’t keyboards supposed to be standardized? QWERT Y, and all that?  Why the hell are the keys in the WRONG PLACES????  Seriously, the left shift key is off in no-person’s-land, and I keep typing “\i” instead of “I”.  It takes me a couple of attempts to capitalize any letter on the right side of the keyboard.  And that’s just the key that I notice most of all being out of place.  There are others, believe me.

And the mouse pad… I thought I had resolved the whole hitting-it-with-the-base-of-my-thumb issue, but I discovered when I rebooted today to get some “updates” that the changes I made in Control Panel automatically reset themselves when I close down.  This is a really annoying bit;  the mouse pad is too far over to the right, and as I type, the place where my thumb meets my wrist keeps hitting the pad and sending my cursor to places unknown.  So I end up typing new words in the middle of words I typed thirty seconds ago, and sometimes, it takes six tries (seriously) to write one actual sentence.  With all the letters in the right places.

And I’ve also discovered something else about my moust pad:  clearly, I “tap” it too softly.  I hit it with my thumb, for example on a link, and sit here wondering why the hell my brand new laptop is so frigging slow.  Only to realize that the laptop doesn’t realize I’ve actually given it a direction, and it’s just biding it’s time while the slow human figures things out.  So I end up whacking it as hard as I can, because I’ve tapped it a thousand times and nothing happened.  And still it ignores me.  Arrrrrrghhhhh.

I really hope that I can adapt to all of these really irritating things about my new laptop, because it cost an awful lot of money.  And my mother, bless her soul, would be seriously upset if three days into having it, I tossed it out a closed window.

I should feel better after this rant, but I don’t think I do.  Bummer.

Even watching the finale of CelebraCadabra isn’t making me feel better.  (Yes, this is yet another of the really bad reality shows I watch regularly.  Although I have a better reason than usual for watching this one:  Hal Sparks is truly yummy.  And I continually cringe when I think about grade six and having C. Thomas Howell posters from TigerBeat on my bedroom wall;  if only I had seen how he would end up, I would never have had such a huge crush on him.)

Anyhoo, the dog is insistently telling me that it is 47 minutes past DINNERTIME, and how can I possibly make him wait even a second longer than 6:00 for his half cup of crunchies.  Can’t I see him positively starving before my very eyes?  And when I point out that he spent the whole morning outside and didn’t come in to eat breakfast until 11:45, so he really shouldn’t be hungry for another, oh, five hours, he gives me the dirtiest look imaginable.  Actually, dirtier than imaginable.

Oh, and just before I go (give me a break, Dannan, you aren’t wasting away), the other really annoying thing about my keyboard is that the little bumps on the “f” and “j” keys are almost non-existent and can only be felt if you are actually looking at the keys as you touch them.  The whole point of the bumps on these keys is to make it possible for people to type without having to look at the keys.

All right, Puppy Boy, let’s go find some kibble.