Wow, it’s been quite an eventful few days here at the Muse Asylum.  We’ve been invaded, and I’m starting to get really tired of it.

Warning:  This post is about spiders, so if you have a fear of them, or just don’t want to read about them, thanks for coming and do come again.  I almost never post about spiders, so most of my posts will be safe for you.

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Excuse the massive spaces here;  I used to be arachnophobic, and even to hear or read about them panicked me.  So, in empathy with others so afflicted, I am trying my best to let them avoid it.

All righty then.  For whatever reason, our house has been invaded by large brown spiders.  Including leg span, about the size of a loonie, for you Canadian readers.  For non-Canadians, think perhaps those big Vegas poker chips.

We always have some of these ugly guys around, especially heading in to fall.  And here in the Loops, it has been fall for weeks, despite what the calendar may say.  One here, one there…  But I have killed at least a dozen in two days, and one bugger last night that startled me, causing me to screech and throw up my hands, which caused him (it?  I always think of spiders as male, which probably says too much about me.  Never mind.) to flee.  Apparently, it’s true:  they are as afraid of us as (some of us) are of them.

It is fortunate that this is the week that they all decided to visit, because if Roomie had been here, she would have needed resuscitation, and perhaps intravenous sedation.  She has one of the worst cases of arachnophobia as I’ve seen.  She is safe in Victoria, and ignorant of what’s been happening here.

And really, I used to have quite a case of it myself.  It’s only recently that I have developed my blase’ approach to the eight-legged freaks.  All my life, I’ve been terrified by them.  At least, up until about two years ago, when I found out that there are scarier things in the world.  Such as mice in the house.  Now they are truly frightening!  My incredibly virulent fear of mice dwarfs any fear I had of spiders by about ten million times.

Don’t get me wrong;  I don’t like spiders.  I really wish they’d stay outside.  If they stay outside, I have always had a “live and let live” philosophy.  But dammit, come into the house, and you’re dead, sucka.  The smaller the spider, the better I deal with it.  So these larger guys are trying my nerves.

It’s not the fact that there’s been a big brown to deal with.  Or even two, or three.  But dammit, this relentless campaign is wearing me down.  The sheer numbers in the last two days has me teetering on the verge of frantic.  It doesn’t help, of course, that other things in my life have shot my anxiety to extreme levels.  That is why the sight of another spider within a half hour of the spider before, running across the living room floor, caused me to scream in frustration.

I went on a mad rampage of the grocery stores to see if any of them had any chestnuts in yet.  For those of you who don’t know, if you take some chestnuts and use a hammer and nail to make a hole in the shell, then scatter them around the house, they make darn good spider repellent.  Too early for chestnuts, though.

So when I got home, I grabbed the can of Raid, locked the dogs in the house, and went outside and proceeded to gas myself.  And also to spray the whole perimeter of the house.  With any luck, it’ll help.  Roomie comes home this weekend, and I am the resident spider-killer.  Her panic won’t help my overall anxiety level, and I’m hoping that this Raid stuff is a solution that will take effect quickly.

Bah.  Stupid arachnids.  Stay the hell outside, where you belong.  We don’t need to be at war.  Live and let live, and we can co-exist nicely.

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