In my last post, I talked about the idea of discovering my True Self and making peace with her. Today, I took another step toward this goal.

Since I was a child, I have wanted to be a writer. About a year ago, I decided that it was time to take some concrete steps toward that aspiration. However, every time that I have contemplated sitting down and actually writing something, I’ve stalled. Today, I think I realized one of the reasons why.

When I pictured myself as a writer, I always imagined that I would be a fiction writer. I’ve started dozens (and dozens!) of short stories, and I’ve even had some ideas that I thought might be potential novels. But the words didn’t come. Even the desire to write those words was missing. And I didn’t know why. I just scolded myself for not having the discipline to get started, or to continue when I had some small scrap of paper with half-formed sentences scrawled upon it.

I have been thinking of myself as a failure because I couldn’t make myself open up the laptop and get started on a story idea. I have been questioning my dream of being a writer. And I have been beating myself up for my lack of will power. I couldn’t even make a start, however small; how did I ever think I could pen a novel?

But today, I came to a realization. I am not (at least not at this point in my life) a fiction writer. I am a non-fiction writer.

When I actually do sit down and let the words flow from my mind and soul into the word processor (or even via pen to paper), it is not fiction that I write. I write about things like the reasons that beginning writers find it hard to get started. Or the recent reappearance of hope into my life. I can write about these sorts of things with relative ease. I cannot tell you whether these pieces that I write are anywhere near the standard needed for publication. All I can tell you is that when I contemplate this kind of piece, the words flow.

So today, with some surprise, I examined this realization. And I was okay with it. I don’t have to write fiction to be a writer; I can write what comes easily. Instead of fighting with myself to force something that isn’t coming naturally, I just need to pay attention to what does. Maybe someday, I will be able to sit down and bang out a short story or two. And maybe even a novel, someday. But for now, I can be content to write the way that seems to come naturally, about things that intrigue me and that I want to explore. And that, my friends, takes me a step closer to knowing my True Self.

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